saulrosenbaum.com / Zero Sense of Humor

So the local police here in suburbia have no sense of humor, zero, zilch, nada. It’s about 3 a.m. and I find myself at Wawa, desperately in need of caffiene, I sweep in, hit the ATM, grab 2 one liter Diet Cokes and 2 SFRBs and a pantone 388 apple [that’s bright green, if your swatch book isn’t handy]. Just as I was grabbing the apple, ‘I feel good’ by James Brown started playing over the Wawa sound system, now it’s 3 a.m. 90% of the world may be tired, but I just woke up, so I couldn’t help myself, I began to dance, but not as I would dance, but as ‘JAMES’ would dance, up and down the aisles with my handful of carbonated jet fuel and my bright green apple, shuffling my feet, sliding up and down the aisles in my own little world. Which of course I wasn’t actually in, no I was in a convenience store in the wee hours of the morning, in the middle of suburbia, dancing like [in my mind] James Brown.

I explained to the policeman, that I was just happy, and that I would go home and dance, he looked at me like I was the personification of poor evil, some drug-crazed goatee wearing freak, so hopped up on goof-balls that I couldn’t contain my joyous feet long enough to get a beverage. “Get on home, now son!” the nice officer told me, “yes, sir!, going home sir!” in hind-sight, any attempt at humor with a law enforcement person, is a bad idea, “sorry I danced in public sir!, me and Kevin Bacon are going Home now, sir!”…why I chose to accentuate every statement with ‘SIR’ is beyond me, but I started to giggle, I mean what he going to do ‘arrest me for dancing liked James’

[flash ahead to my arraignment]
Bailiff read the charge..
“Saul was arrested on the morning of August 5th at a Wawa, where he was being’ Funky as he wanna Be’ and he was also ‘gettin down with his bad self’ both presumably without a license.”
[flash back to now]

So this particular cop wasn’t a huge ‘Footloose’ fan and he cracked nary a smile, but the guy behing the counter lost it, and began laughing so hard I think he pulled a muscle, At this point the morning could have gone in two dramatically different directions, one involving bail money and a cavity search, the other involving my coke and blogging.

I must stop going to that Wawa.