Omit
Funny, my previous post was a bit more ‘sadistic’, and I’ve gotten several comments that folks miss the more acerbic saul, the meaner saul, the saul that makes unsuspecting salesmen and ignorant cashiers cry.. well for ya’ll… this post is for you.
My phone has been ringing off the hook today, it’s mostly project related, but as I was drinking my loc-cal, low-carb, high-fiber, low-fat, high-fructose, medium-sodium partially homogonized somewhat carbonized coffee beverage, the phone rang, my caller-id let me know the call was from those oh-so helpful people at ‘WindowWizards’, usually I would ignore such a blatant sales call, but I happen to be in the market for replacement windows, so I picked the call up.
CALLER: “hello, sir, my name is [because I made him cry, let’s just call him OMIT] from WindowWizards, I’m authorized to offer you our top quality double sash replacement windows at slightly above factory cost. That’s a 50% off our normal price”
S: Really!! only slightly above, who do I have to talk too, to get them actually AT factory prices?
O: Sir?
S: no I’m serious, whom do I have to talk to, to get them AT factory prices, maybe the person who authorize you?
O: Who sir?
S: Let’s review shall we, your OMIT and you’ve been authorized… you said that didn’t you.
O: Well [pause] yes I suppose I did [cut off]
S: Them there MUST be someone there who has the power to drop the price TO factory prices. Let me talk to them [pause] I’ll wait.
O: Sir, There isn’t any such person.
S: But you presented yourself as ‘Authorized’ was that a lie OMIT?
O: Sir?
S: OMIT it’s really simple either your ‘Authorized’ or your not.. are you.
O: it says I am sir.
S: But your not aware of whom ‘Authorized’ you? Perhaps it happened spontaneously?
O: Sir I don’t think anyone ‘Authorized’ me, I just am, it’s part of the job.
S: Hmm.. so can you lower the price TO factory prices?
O: No sir but I am Authorized to offer…
S: I think we’ve adequately determined that your not Authorized, but the script obviously is.
[click]
So there you have it, OMIT hung up on me, and I really wanted to hear about the windows, but I couldn’t get past the fact that OMIT was spontaneously authorized, maybe it comes from working for a wizard?
Post Note:
This content originally aired Tuesday, July 20th, 2004 at isaul.com my now defunct personal blog, some of these posts document my former cruel side, rest assured I've aged and I've mellowed -- these posts are maintained here for their humor and anthropological value.