saulrosenbaum.com / The goggles do nothing

Well, as I often do, I found myself at IKEA again today, but not my normal IKEA, but a brand spanking new one, 6 miles closer to my house. It was crowded, I was alone, it was raining, a recipe for disaster to be certain.

So while shopping, I noticed, this was NOT the typical ‘flesh’ show that I was used to, 20 something females in inappropriatly short tight and revealing garb, showing off tanned, toned and chiseled flesh, no this was 30, and sometimes 40 somthings showing me… Truth be told there are no words for what they where showing.

So it got me thinking, Do these women not own a mirror? or perhaps they think they look good? you would think that their tattoo artist would have told them they looked hideous, I mention their tatoo artist specifically because obviously they all have one, he specializes in blurrly and poorly designed tribal and celtic symbols, ocassionally on bellys, sometimes boobs, but usually on the fleshy back fat of 30 something women. Also I’m all for tight clothing… on Claudia Shiffer, Pam Anderson and Carmen Electra, but Ladies, if your pants are so tight that I can see the label on your underwear, give your feet a break, and let some blood flow, And for you ladies who insist on wearing stretch pants, workout garb and biking shorts, if I can tell your clit is pierced through your pants, you may want to rethink the ensemble a bit…

I have far less issues with boobs, which is good, because it seems every 17-25 year old now has d-cups and since it’s been 90° and muggy here in philly, Breasts are everywhere…, but even they (notice the proper use of the plural) should have some decorum when out and about. If your breasts are familar with your knees, a tank top is a questionable move, or if your wearing a white spaghetti strap tank, what possesed you to wear a neon blue bra?, are you Madonna? is this 1986? wearing a shirt like that I only see two options, if you have nice perky boobs, go braless, or wear a strapless bra, if your breasts are too substantial for a strapless bra, do us all a favor, burn the spaghetti strap tank.

Ultimately you just have to ask yourself, do I look good in this? Is my ass hanging, am I a mess?, do I look like a cheap hooker? If you have any doubt snap a picture, send it to me, I’ll be nothing but honest