The goggles do nothing…

Well, as I often do, I found myself at IKEA again today, but not my nor­mal IKEA, but a brand spank­ing new one, 6 miles clos­er to my house. It was crowd­ed, I was alone, it was rain­ing, a recipe for dis­as­ter to be cer­tain.

So while shop­ping, I noticed, this was NOT the typ­i­cal ‘flesh’ show that I was used to, 20 some­thing females in inap­pro­pri­at­ly short tight and reveal­ing garb, show­ing off tanned, toned and chis­eled flesh, no this was 30, and some­times 40 somthings show­ing me… Truth be told there are no words for what they where show­ing.

So it got me think­ing, Do these women not own a mir­ror? or per­haps they think they look good? you would think that their tat­too artist would have told them they looked hideous, I men­tion their tatoo artist specif­i­cal­ly because obvi­ous­ly they all have one, he spe­cial­izes in blur­rly and poor­ly designed trib­al and celtic sym­bols, ocas­sion­al­ly on bellys, some­times boobs, but usu­al­ly on the fleshy back fat of 30 some­thing women. Also I’m all for tight cloth­ing… on Clau­dia Shif­fer, Pam Ander­son and Car­men Elec­tra, but Ladies, if your pants are so tight that I can see the label on your under­wear, give your feet a break, and let some blood flow, And for you ladies who insist on wear­ing stretch pants, work­out garb and bik­ing shorts, if I can tell your clit is pierced through your pants, you may want to rethink the ensem­ble a bit…

I have far less issues with boobs, which is good, because it seems every 17 – 25 year old now has d-cups and since it’s been 90° and mug­gy here in philly, Breasts are every­where…, but even they (notice the prop­er use of the plur­al) should have some deco­rum when out and about. If your breasts are fami­lar with your knees, a tank top is a ques­tion­able move, or if your wear­ing a white spaghet­ti strap tank, what pos­s­esed you to wear a neon blue bra?, are you Madon­na? is this 1986? wear­ing a shirt like that I only see two options, if you have nice perky boobs, go bra­less, or wear a strap­less bra, if your breasts are too sub­stan­tial for a strap­less bra, do us all a favor, burn the spaghet­ti strap tank.

Ulti­mate­ly you just have to ask your­self, do I look good in this? Is my ass hang­ing, am I a mess?, do I look like a cheap hook­er? If you have any doubt snap a pic­ture, send it to me, I’ll be noth­ing but hon­est