Sleep Number

The oth­er day I stopped in a ‘fan­cy-pants-bed’ place that fea­tures beds with air blad­ders in them so you can make the bed as soft or as hard as you like, the left and right side are adjustable inde­pen­dent­ly, so you needn’t suf­fer through the ‘goldilocks’ syn­drome just because of your bed­mates pref­er­ence.

I laid myself out on this bed picked up the remote con­trol and start­ed push­ing away…25 – 35-45 — all seemed the same to me — 50 – 55-60 – 65 okay now we’re cook­ing, the bed seems kin­da firmer, hard even, so the sales­man comes over “blah, blah, blah…digital…normal people’s sleep num­ber is usu­al­ly between 15 & 35…blah, blah, blah”

I swear I did a spit-take, nor­mal peo­ple?, I let the ques­tion hang there, “ya know, ever day folks, they’re usu­al­ly between 15 & 35”, I glanced at the con­troller in my hand that read 72,  if you were to base my nor­mal­i­ty pure­ly on my sleep num­ber I’m a lit­tle over twice as not nor­mal as those oth­er folks…

As much as I love num­bers, I think using num­bers in this instance is rather unimag­i­na­tive — why not use metaphor­ic sym­bols?

Hi my Name is Bill.. I’m a con­struc­tion work­er by day and a pro­fes­sion­al don­key wrestler at night..and everynight I sleep on a mat­tress as soft as a lambs behind.

I think that’s an improvement..don’t you?, and why 1 through 100, it only felt like there might have been 5 dif­fer­ent per­ceiv­able set­tings; painful­ly soft, too soft, uncom­fort­able, not hard enough and too hard, but then again, I’m not nor­mal.