Daily List for: 0/9./30.15

  • Dogs always want the one they don’t have, cats just want both, or more accu­rate­ly for you to have none
  • Friend­ships always float
  • You don’t real­ize some­thing is bad for you till you stop
  • Accord­ing to the dogs going out­side is great, unless it’s rain­ing, then going out is required, but not enjoyed
  • Eat­ing when you’re not hun­gry is a weird choice that I need to stop mak­ing
  • Spend­ing pro­longed time alone, I now real­ize I’m an impul­sive clean­er, I don’t even real­ize I’m doing it, if I ever end up in a ram­shackle cab­in in the woods writ­ing my man­i­festo, it’s gonna be spot­less inside
  • Latenight texts can get weird..
  • I’m the squeaky tweet
  • He can­not have that which he loves, for it makes him sick, but it’s all he thinks about, but alas it can­not be
  • Crazy salt lives up to it’s name, can’t say so much for crazy straw
  • I’ve nev­er had bul­let­proof cof­fee, but I’m will­ing to try, sounds inter­est­ing
  • Woods cat is water­proofed, may nev­er fig­ure that one out
  • The ducks sense the intru­sion and are effi­cient com­mu­ni­ca­tors
  • Cheese is the new ambrosia

Daily List for: 0/9./28.15

  • Sleep is habit form­ing
  • Jum­botrons lack com­pas­sion
  • Caf­feine is meth for soc­cer moms
  • To eat is a neces­si­ty, to eat well, takes some plan­ning
  • Some of use idle annoyed and skep­ti­cal
  • Deers obvi­ous­ly know they’re fast
  • Any atten­tion is fine, but right now we need your atten­tion to the fact that our bowls are emp­ty
  • Thorns suck!
  • Assum­ing you don’t like some­thing you’ve nev­er tast­ed is mouth hypocrisy
  • At some point it’s so much ‘Ripped from the head­lines’ as it is gleaned from Red­ditt and Twit­ter
  • FTR Ice-T stopped being ‘gangs­ta’ right around the time Xhib­it stopped ‘pimp­ing’ cars
  • From now on I’m always shop­ping at a mar­ket near a yoga stu­dio, and I’m going to say it’s because the healthy food selec­tion is bet­ter
  • Sup­pos­ed­ly I’m throw­ing out archival cheese
  • Whomev­er makes the cin­na­mon gum­my bears should notice a drop in their sales soon
  • You’ll nev­er impress me with beige
  • Lard is the new Bit­coin

Daily List for: 0/9/2515

  • I care more about you than I care about myself, this is a rel­a­tive­ly new real­iza­tion
  • Rebuild­ing what you’ve spent a life­time tear­ing down, starts with will­ing­ness
  • Woods cat is a stealthy bas­tard
  • What pass­es as silence is actu­al­ly a sym­pho­ny of qui­et
  • 37% of all Amer­i­cans believe in some tale of cryp­to­zo­ol­o­gy, a slight­ly high­er per­cent­age think Vel­vetta is named after a glow-in-the-dark paint­ing of Elvis
  • Plea­sure with no one to share it, is in my opin­ion, sad­der than mis­ery alone
  • The minute you told me I could trust you, I stopped
  • Nev­er occurred to me till just now that, come hell or high water, was a bib­li­cal ref­er­ence
  • Don’t get me start­ed on Athe­ists using bib­li­cal ref­er­ences
  • I’m 37% sure I’m mak­ing up sta­tis­tics to amuse myself
  • Some days being 20 min­utes from any­thing is aggra­vat­ing
  • Under­selling a com­mod­i­ty to achieve quan­ti­ty can be hard on the knees
  • I’m sure the Pope will final­ly set­tle the whole Philly cheeses­teak rival­ry #popein­philly
  • I’m paint­ed in B-2 spir­it paint
  • I’m 37% cer­tain that you share the same ATM pin with at least 500,000 oth­er ATM users
  • Secu­ri­ty and Pri­va­cy are the new emper­ors clothes

Daily List for: 0/9./24.15

  • Some Dogs are bone chew­ers, oth­ers, rawhide grou­chos
  • Noth­ing about a yel­low Porsche says classy, so you might as well go for the douchey van­i­ty plates
  • Pope­blocked, a verb, exam­ple of usage: I had a cool thing to do tonight, but was total­ly pope­blocked — ori­gin: Philadel­phi­an, see also jawn
  • Gar­den havok is bet­ter than gar­den null
  • My wife pitched me an app idea, I like it
  • I need to adjust the dogs inter­nal clock, can’t find the crown
  • Dogs might sleep more than cats, as if that’s pos­si­ble
  • Stand­ing is the new sit­ting

Daily List for: 0/9./23.15

  • Secu­ri­ty starts with 7 foot high fences and ends with hushed tones
  • Soli­tude is not a fortress, it’s a moat
  • Dogs use their mass at least 65% more effec­tive­ly than peo­ple, cats can seem­ing­ly con­trol grav­i­ty
  • Falling asleep ear­ly is awe­some and it also sucks
  • It’s weird how an envi­ron­ment can influ­ence dai­ly habits
  • If you start with a yes, things can hap­pen
  • We’re allowed to be hap­py, for some it’s hard­er than for oth­ers
  • I’d rather you tell me the truth and make me sad, than have you lie to me to make me hap­py
  • I’m a pow­er skim­mer, it’s a skill I’ve mas­tered because I’m eas­i­ly bored
  • I’d glad­ly trade a foot mas­sage for a foot mas­sage today
  • Chang­ing habits is hard, unless you’re a nun, then you’re prob­a­bly real­ly good at it
  • Fiber is the new lost ark

Daily List for: 0/9./22.15

  • I’m both demand­ing and relent­ing
  • Every­one can draw, you just have to prac­tice to get bet­ter
  • I’ve nev­er actu­al­ly pure­ly fol­lowed a recipe, but I try to stay in the spir­it of the orig­i­nal recipe
  • I’m 14% less patient than I am endear­ing, at least I hope so
  • When I’m rest­less (which is fre­quent) I have to do some­thing con­struc­tive with my hands
  • Burned food is what hap­pens while you’re mak­ing oth­er food
  • I’m of the opin­ion that if you order your steak cooked past medi­um rare, you prob­a­bly shouldn’t eat steak
  • Please don’t order fish at a steak house, it encour­ages them
  • Fact: when I wake to fog, snow or ice, I go back to bed
  • If you’re not using it, put it away, if you nev­er use it, get rid of it
  • Dust tells many truths, but dust bun­nies nev­er squeal
  • I’d like a ice-cold wheat beer and a crazy straw please
  • I’m scared of the glazed look I see on the face of the peo­ple at the local casi­no
  • Mag­nets are the new dou­ble-sided tape

Daily List for: 0/9./21.15

  • Sleep is a hand­ful of wet sand
  • Grace­ful­ly back­ing out of a com­mit­ment is not a skill I pos­sess
  • Some bat­ter­ies can­not be recharged
  • My pok­er­face is cov­ered in paint
  • I’m not short stacked but I am unwill­ing
  • Seem­ing­ly unin­ter­est­ed, obvi­ous­ly unmo­ti­vat­ed, per­pet­u­al­ly dis­as­so­ci­at­ed
  • I have Piper in the crows-nest sit­ting on Pope look­out
  • I’m his­tor­i­cal­ly inac­cu­rate, like the food mid­way at a Ren Faire
  • When you’re a jet you’re a jet all the way, from your first cig­a­rette, to your last dying day, now there’s a bind­ing agree­ment with a gap­ping hole in it
  • I’ll take a nap with any­one who’s will­ing, I’m kin­da slut­ty that way
  • I need to take paja­mas with me to go mat­tress shop­ping
  • I like flat white
  • [ redact­ed because it actu­al­ly offend­ed me ]
  • Dig­ging my short hair, I love my bar­ber
  • There are days when I real­ly miss the whip
  • A col­league was just telling me that she got a resume that includ­ed a sec­tion labelled ‘pierc­ings and tat­toos’, I total­ly under­stand why that’s rel­e­vant in cer­tain indus­tries
  • Regret is the wool sweater

Daily List for: 0/9./04.15

  • Sup­port is actions, not words
  • Some­days I dis­ap­point myself, yes­ter­day was one of those days
  • These notes are cheap­er than ther­a­py
  • Inac­tion is con­ta­gious
  • One per­sons fun­ny is anoth­er per­sons uncom­fort­able, some of us find uncom­fort­able peo­ple hilar­i­ous
  • It’s not to ear­ly to start plan­ning the res­o­lu­tions you’re going to ignore for 2016
  • My labor will be walk­ing, fetch­ing and feed­ing
  • I need a hair­cut, I’ve been com­pla­cent because I prob­a­bly only have a few left
  • Flat­bread read­ing is 17% more accu­rate than tea leaves, and far bet­ter with but­ter
  • I have a STRONG desire to com­bine my writ­ing with my draw­ing, to that end these notes are like­ly going to change for­mat once or twice a week, don’t blame me if those days the notes are a lit­tle twist­ed and give you night­mares, day­mares, I’m not sure if day­mares are real.
  • I might need a writ­ing men­tor
  • Obses­sion is bugs in your head
  • Fact: the lyric ‘Dev­il will drag you under by the fan­cy tie around your wicked throat’ has been stuck in my head since I was 9 years old..
  • Cof­fee before ho-ho’s
  • Run­ning is the Jane Fon­da VHS tape

Daily List for: 0/9./03.15

  • Com­mut­ing can kill you, but trol­ley tracks will just maul you
  • I nev­er see the Oscar Mey­er Wein­er mobile, but I did get flashed on the sub­way the oth­er day, so I assume that counts
  • Fact one: I asso­ciate peo­ple to songs, and songs to events
  • Fact two: I only like you for your pets
  • Your awk­ward­ness is what I love about you
  • Social­ly accept­able voyeurism is the new niel­son fam­i­ly
  • Almost every­day I reach a point where I have to pur­pose­ful­ly stop talk­ing
  • Your kid is fine, it’s you that’s a mess, your kid is a kid, you have no excuse
  • I’d hate to use the tub after Bey­once
  • If the secret to longevi­ty is laugh­ter and sar­casm you bet­ter buck­le in, it’s going to be a long list
  • Snark is the new sweet noth­ings

Daily List for: 0/9./01.15

  • Cheesey is nev­er easy
  • If I could get it out of my head, I wouldn’t be writ­ing about it
  • Obses­sive is an under­state­ment, if you’re not, you’ll nev­er under­stand
  • One per­sons insignif­i­cant is some­one else’s cat­a­stroph­ic
  • Just don’t stop till I get enough
  • Your opin­ion means less to me than your sup­port
  • Just because some­thing is easy, doesn’t mean it’s also actu­al­ly dif­fi­cult
  • Think­ing comes from not know­ing, at least I think so
  • ABD: Always be doo­dling
  • Don’t watch my hands, that not where the tricks hap­pen
  • Refill yes, lemon no
  • Expe­ri­ence is the new enthu­si­asm