Daily List for: 1/0./05.15

  • I used to want a Viking funer­al, now I also was a Viking stove… At least I’m con­sis­tent
  • The eas­i­est way to lose my respect is to tell me a poor­ly craft­ed lie, if your gonna do it, do it well
  • Sup­pos­ed­ly you can lay­er Spanx, but you need the assis­tance of unskilled labor
  • I have an issue with for­give­ness, it’s a skill I’ve nev­er actu­al­ly mas­tered, I have a book­case full of grudges
  • It’s the switch­es that seem­ing­ly do noth­ing that you need to be wary of
  • I write every­thing down in invis­i­ble ink
  • 5:30 comes ear­li­er every morn­ing
  • I miss movies that were actu­al­ly fun­ny and under two hours
  • A lev­el is a tool and an action you do with the tool
  • I know I can ask for a cheeses­teak wit, but can I ask for it with­out the roll?
  • Pineap­ple is the armadil­lo of the fruit world
  • A sleep­ing pet on your lap works bet­ter than any anti­de­pres­sant or sleep­ing pill
  • Effort is the new tal­ent