Daily List for: 3/5/2015

  • There should be a sign in every tat­too par­lor remind­ing peo­ple that skin ages but a bad deci­sion is eter­nal
  • Don’t com­plain about some­thing unless you’re will­ing to do some­thing about it
  • The only thing that should be wrapped around a piz­za crust is the per­son eat­ing it
  • Next time you order a drink in a bar, just for grins ask the bar­tender “is this the best kind of ice for this drink?” see what they say
  • Just because I’m not look­ing at you while you’re talk­ing to me doesn’t mean I don’t care what you’re say­ing, it might mean you have spinach in your teeth
  • I saw some­one take a bag of apples back to the mar­ket, her com­plaint ‘These just don’t taste app­ley enough’, it’s NEVER occurred to me to do this; using that approach,
     — ‘I’d like to return this half eat­en hoho, it wasn’t as ho(ish?) as the first half
     — ‘I’d like to return this cook­ing spray, I actu­al­ly DO believe it’s not but­ter’