List for: 12.23.15

  • Checked with San­ta, still naughty, but less naughty than pre­vi­ous years, just naughty enough
  • Every­thing in life comes down to mis en place
  • Tru­di knows, but she’s not telling
  • When I think ‘Whoop­ie Pies’ I also think ‘Sock it to me’, blam­ing Goldie Hawn
  • Some­times you have to stand up to mes­sage the sacrum
  • Some peo­ple are drunk with the ‘quiz-mas­ter’ pow­er
  • When you walk into a bar already dizzy, you drink spar­ing­ly
  • It’s nev­er easy being cheesy
  • Some things are over­sized and stab­by, those are things that I try to stay away from
  • 3 hours of pro­cras­ti­na­tion a day is the pre­scrip­tion
  • Care­less lust starts when think­ing sub­sides
  • Although I love the song, I’m not sure what ‘Pil­low Brain’ is… and it’s dri­ving me crazy
  • Saxa­phone is the new cow­bell

List for: 11.18.15

  • Some deci­sions can’t be undone, don’t obsess over them
  • Back pain is the sand in the lubri­cant
  • Jel­lo real­ly does make every­thing slight­ly bet­ter
  • Fat is good, eat it, skip the sweets
  • I can’t help what my eyes do when I meet you
  • Dis­trac­tion is the cousin of inspi­ra­tion
  • Some days are enrobed in dark­ness
  • My favorite thing is to eaves­drop, I’m real­ly good at it, and I know it’s rude
  • My house is always dressed up for hal­loween
  • My back feels like an poor­ly shuf­fled deck of cards, I like that metaphor bet­ter than the typ­i­cal jel­ly dough­nut ref­er­ence
  • I shop bet­ter than most peo­ple, it’s my sport, I’m an all-star, there are no PlaySta­tion games for my sport
  • The­o­ret­i­cal­ly I like min­i­mal­ism, any­one who’s ever been in my house knows I don’t actu­al­ly prac­tice it
  • What do sheep count when they can’t sleep?
  • Some peo­ple default to hap­py and dri­ven, I default to lusty and tired
  • Stu­pid things amuse me, like the con­cept of ‘Kin­dle Kar­dashi­an’ she has all the books, but she can’t read them
  • Smooth jazz is the new warm milk

List for: 11.20.15

  • Dogs like groins
  • The edi­ble sand is just col­ored sug­ar
  • A home­made gift made from the heart, instant­ly cher­ished
  • Qui­et is the new loud
  • I am in fact a fix­er-upper and chances are, attic needs ren­o­va­tions.
  • wait­ing is hard, patience is too
  • I’d fol­low you into the dark
  • It typ­i­cal­ly runs both fast and hot
  • cook­ies can be dessert
  • If alco­hol is the wide­ly accept­ed social lubri­cant, lube me up
  • Noth­ing isn’t sacred, to some­one
  • Some con­ver­sa­tions unfold grad­u­al­ly, oth­ers crash to the floor
  • Cat­nip comes in many fla­vors

List for: 11.05.15

  • Kar­ma has a host of sharp edges, there will be blood
  • Wings are a food group unto them­selves
  • TV novel­la writ­ing is the low­est form of writ­ing right below for­tune cook­ie for­tunes and pen­ny shop­per horo­scopes
  • Give me a cor­ner, a legal pad and a Uni­ball pen and I’m gen­er­al­ly hap­py
  • I’m 75% crazy, 95% impul­sive, 105% over-caf­fi­nat­ed, 200% seri­ous
  • I promised Maxx that he’d get to ride a horse, some­times when I’m relaxed I say stu­pid things
  • Plans are made to be un-bro­ken
  • Unless you under­stand me you nev­er will
  • Man­ic is full throt­tle for­ward into a brick wall
  • Garfield is right, Mon­days suck
  • Why don’t they sell fla­vored envelopes and stamps?
  • Hack­neyed is the new old

List for: 10.26.15

  • Many real world prob­lems require both brains AND brawn
  • Some­times start­ing with the big ham­mer will save you a lot of time
  • It’s eas­i­er to swim with the cur­rent, but you end up the exact same place as all those oth­er swim­mers
  • Noth­ing easy is sim­ple
  • Ded­i­ca­tion to a craft takes both
  • I’m Pret­ty sure if every­one was account­able for their actions the world would be a far bet­ter place
  • I’m still con­fused by criss-cross apple­sauce
  • Under­stand­ing emo­tion­al trau­ma takes a long time, patience, open­ness
  • I don’t believe in hob­bies so much as I believe in dis­trac­tion
  • If I were to win mil­lions of dol­lars my life wouldn’t like­ly change very much, but my cats would all be ballers
  • A one day a week intern would be a love­ly thing, except that I hate peo­ple at least one day a week and I don’t want to trau­ma­tize a young mind
  • Body lan­guage is the new dis­clo­sure

List for: 10.22.15

  • Some­times every­thing that was wrong with you makes per­fect sense when you look back at where you start­ed
  • Cars don’t have rearview mir­rors so you can dri­ve in the past
  • Noth­ing worth doing is easy the first time
  • Gross is all a mat­ter of scale
  • Clar­i­ty is some­thing that until you have it, you nev­er knew you were miss­ing
  • Peo­ple often con­fuse flex­i­bil­i­ty for free­dom
  • It’s help­ful if you con­trol both ends of the rope
  • If you nev­er put your­self out there, you nev­er
  • Know­ing you’re alone, and being alone are two entire­ly dif­fer­ent things
  • Cof­fee and a brisk walk, even in the rain, excel­lent way to start your morn­ing
  • Dog tug-of-war is an actu­al war albeit a reluc­tant one
  • If you start with sta­ble, what fol­lows is eas­i­er
  • Doing noth­ing gets you nowhere
  • Maybe it’s what you’re eat­ing?
  • Some­thing is the new noth­ing

List for: 10.15.15

  • My totems are not even­ly spaced
  • Today is the day, tomor­row is also the day
  • Splin­ters suck, seri­ous­ly
  • A lap­top, wifi, and a plan, that all it takes to rule the world
  • Triple caf­feinat­ed cof­fee is a good way to tack­le the day
  • I seem to attract cats, they know
  • Some­time my mouth is only vague­ly asso­ci­at­ed with my brain
  • Some­times the ink is too thin
  • Star­bucks car­ries HWC and it helps their gen­er­al­ly harsh cof­fee
  • I vio­late the drift­ing rules, not because I have too, just because I can
  • My ele­va­tor pitch starts with ‘Brace Your­self’
  • Some errors are dif­fi­cult to fix, some are just annoy­ing
  • Plans are the new wan­der­lust

List for: 10.14.15

  • The gift of gab is a gift that you can’t give back
  • Some­times streets are full of man sized holes
  • Cilantro sal­ad is actu­al­ly bet­ter than cilantro alone
  • Lunch with a friend is always tasti­er than lunch alone
  • Noth­ing is every­thing in an emp­ty box
  • A lit­tle pork roll is deli­cious, lots of pork roll, even bet­ter..
  • A tiny splin­ter can ruin a oth­er­wise great day
  • Per­sis­tent cat love can cause you to lose sleep
  • Con­ve­nience is the first step to slothy­ness
  • Dis­cussing get­ting a dog with the cats, cur­rent vote 3 nah, 2 yea
  • Humor is the new aphro­disi­ac

List for: 10.13.15

  • Your faults are what I love, per­fec­tion bores me
  • You can only plan for so long, at some point you have to do
  • If you’ve nev­er got­ten your hands dirty you have no busi­ness direct­ing those of us into it up to our elbows
  • I’m sel­dom speech­less, but in gen­er­al I’m very qui­et, unless I’m awake
  • My ace in the hole is an extra ace
  • Sup­pos­ed­ly we all have a Dop­pel­gänger, I want to meet mine and recre­ate the begin­ning of the Pat­ty Duke show
  • Notes are the glue that bind my scrap­ple with my eggs
  • I bought all the Tren­ton Pork Roll, and it is glo­ri­ous, we cut it with inge­nu­ity
  • I am an expert at emo­tion­al origa­mi
  • Some­times your neigh­bors trim their bush­es into sad shapes
  • I have win­ter clothes, a change of shoes, snack and 3 blan­kets in the back of my car, I’m con­sid­er­ing putting it on AirBnB
  • Qual­i­ty time is the new prof­it mar­gin

List for: 10.12.15

  • Not all unbread­ed chick­en is
  • Love comes with a tail
  • Temp­ta­tion comes walk­ing in as a red­head
  • Fresh air is not a sub­si­dized drug
  • I’m not sure when com­mu­ni­ca­tion became a lost art, but it’s very sad
  • If peo­ple wore their sins like mer­it badges, peo­ple would be more hon­est in their lives
  • Noth­ing con­ve­nient is sel­dom the best choice
  • Hard work is mean­ing­less if you don’t enjoy the free time
  • I’m not into can­dles, but I would love a can­dle that legit­i­mate­ly smells like a camp­fire, bak­ing choco­late cook­ies, and a thun­der­storm
  • I’m due for a real­ly sub­stan­tial pos­ses­sion purge, start­ing with every­thing
  • Clut­ter makes me crazy
  • Sali­va is the new Prozac