Daily List for: 3/25/2015

  • Don’t assume that just because some­one appears hap­py and light­heart­ed that they don’t have seri­ous dai­ly chal­lenges
  • Self worth should be cal­cu­lat­ed by the num­ber of peo­ple in your per­son­al world and not by the labels on your clothes
  • Mem­o­ries are mer­cury
  • We wear the worst of our­selves like armor
  • Some­times sim­u­lat­ed life is far more cap­ti­vat­ing than the real thing
  • Bread sup­pos­ed­ly comes in a plain fla­vor
  • Bark­ing dogs are secret kissers
  • I love that mor­ti­fied look chil­dren get when their par­ents embar­rass them, that look is pure­ly hon­est
  • I ate a slice of piz­za yes­ter­day that was sold as ‘like eat­ing two slices at the same time’, I’m still full, so I believe it
  • I had no idea my pelvis had a floor, I won­der if it’s car­pet­ed?, wait and girls have a vault? what’s in it?
  • Keep going, don’t stop, it gets eas­i­er, day by day

Daily List for: 3/24/2015

  • Often it’s the hap­pi­est among us that are in the most pain
  • Patience and prac­tice that’s how you make bread
  • If it wash­es off, it’s harm­less
  • I can sit still for any­thing but restraint
  • First Date Fact: I pre­fer a slap to a tick­le
  • As far as I’m con­cerned a pint of ice cream and a movie the­ater pack­age of Twiz­zlers are a sin­gle serv­ing
  • My prince charm­ing is a dark-haired girl with a dirty-mind
  • I don’t have a jeal­ous bone in my body, I keep those else­where
  • Laugh­ter is the best anti­de­pres­sant
  • You can’t buy my loy­al­ty, but we can nego­ti­ate a lease
  • Your paja­mas tell a sto­ry about the real you

Daily List for: 3/23/2015

  • It’s impor­tant to know what real­ly both­ers you, per­son­al­ly I can’t sleep know­ing there are dirty dish­es in my sink, what’s yours?
  • First Date Favorites; Din­er Meal: grilled cheese sand­wich, toma­to soup, french fries with brown gravy and a black and white milk­shake
  • Con­fes­sion: I strong­ly dis­like mashed pota­toes
  • It’s not a real road trip until I have a hon­ey­bun (and yes I know it’s tox­ic)
  • I like the way you flip my pan­cake
  • If I taught grade school math every­day would be a field trip to the super­mar­ket, that’s where all the rel­e­vant (and manip­u­la­tive) math is hap­pen­ing
  • I’m begin­ning to real­ize noth­ing on TV is worth watch­ing, can I get a refund?
  • Skills that I (might) still have, I nev­er use: Throw­ing an inside out curve with a Wif­fle ball, Draw­ing with my feet
  • Avoid con­ve­nience, embrace the craft of doing it your­self
  • Effort is reward­ed
  • The way to a woman’s heart is her feet

Daily List for: 4/9/2015

  • I’m pret­ty sure it’s the uncer­tain­ty that kills me
  • the time between some weeks feels like months
  • At least if I had a but­ler I’d have cof­fee right now
  • Ran­dom Famous Peo­ple I respect; Mar­garet Cho, Teller, David Chang, Nina Hart­ley, Pablo Picas­so, Ogden Nash
  • I feel noth­ing… and every­thing… but most­ly noth­ing, but all of it
  • My brain has one of those zip-cords like 1970s Ken­ner SSP Drag­sters, I just mis­placed the zip-cord
  • I pre­fer my fries waf­fle, shoe­string, or curly, nev­er crin­kle cut, and if you’re going to serve me steak fries, there best also be steak (medi­um rare please)
  • Actu­al­ly the rhythm isn’t get­ting me

Daily List for: 3/22/2015

  • Lust comes in many fla­vors, every­thing from blue to pink
  • I don’t think any of the sev­en sins are par­tic­u­lar­ly dead­ly
  • Not every­one can con­vinc­ing­ly wear sparkles
  • Enchi­ladas must be Span­ish for ‘high­ly addic­tive’
  • You may also eat with your eyes, but it’s my mouth that has all the fun
  • Spicy choco­late cook­ies are the new ‘nil­la wafers
  • Even­tu­al­ly every evening gets to the point were the lady folks start com­par­ing boobs
  • Unlucky at cards… there’s no more to this one, some peo­ple just are unlucky at cards
  • San­gria is prac­ti­cal­ly health food
  • Some host­esses have the most­esses
  • Ther­mal­ly we’re per­fect­ly com­pat­i­ble with each oth­er
  • Every­thing is bet­ter, more fun, more sat­is­fy­ing smoth­ered in que­so
  • The small­er the room, the more con­cen­trat­ed the fun
  • Gua­camole is the mor­tar of life
  • Civ­i­lized cats live in civ­i­lized hous­es
  • Some­times good things result from trag­ic events, con­cen­trate of the result
  • Vig­or­ous­ly Shak­en not stirred, if for no oth­er rea­son, much more fun to watch

Daily List for: 1/17/2015

  • If you live a tragedy long enough, any­thing, regard­less of how trag­ic it is, feels nor­mal
  • Emo­tion­al­ly shut­down, phys­i­cal­ly shut­off, psy­cho­log­i­cal­ly locked out
  • This sim­pati­co feels famil­iar
  • Pro­found­ly bro­ken is the new nor­mal
  • Long after looks fade, fun­ny & smart endure
  • Hydra­tion is a flu­id con­cept
  • Your laugh­ter is my flint
  • A real friend is some­one who doesn’t just know were all your skele­tons are buried, but has helped you bury a few

Daily List for: 4/8/2015

  • There are going to be days when noth­ing your going to do are going to make me smile, those are the days I need you the most
  • That’s a moun­tain I prob­a­bly won’t climb
  • Cre­ativ­i­ty is a fick­le bitch
  • Qui­et is on con­stant repeat in my head
  • You are one of the few things in my life I haven’t come to regret
  • I love that we can laugh hys­ter­i­cal­ly about noth­ing
  • If I’d real­ized I was going to live through the 80s, I would have tak­en bet­ter care of myself
  • I’m not dri­ving the car, which is fine, it’s dri­ving itself
  • I mix my metaphors like I mix my drinks, a hard shake
  • Every­one is cre­ative and fun­ny until their fam­i­lies, the edu­ca­tion­al sys­tem, and soci­ety, squash the joy
  • Per­haps the two lessons schools should be teach­ing are the dif­fer­ences between infa­mous, and famous, and that the inter­net isn’t real life even though at time it seems it is.
  • Sum­mer can’t get here soon enough, I’m cold
  • I think I want to go to burn­ing man next year, it sounds sooo warm
  • Bread is as much fun to make, as it is to eat

Daily List for: 2/18/2015

  • Hap­pi­ness is a warm cat
  • Turn­ing 50 means your doc­tor and all the nurs­es have the green light to start mak­ing colonoscopy jokes, they amuse no one
  • Bad piz­za is the sad­dest food group
  • A strong beer makes the worst craft, almost tol­er­a­ble
  • Cold weath­er is penance for hav­ing four sea­sons
  • Some­days choco­late is the high­light
  • Tele­vi­sion is far more enter­tain­ing after a shot of NyQuil
  • Some­times that deli­cious look­ing dessert isn’t
  • Unde­sir­able is the new invis­i­ble

Daily List for: 1/16/2015

  • Beau­ty lies in those moments when no one is watch­ing
  • Let me wrap you in a quilt of safe­ty, bright­ness and warmth
  • The heat from your pas­sion melts the cold­est part of me
  • Before you, there was no one
  • Regret is the foun­da­tion that sad­ness is built
  • Amnesty pro­vides faith to the faith­less
  • The best part of me is you
  • Date night is every night
  • Pet­ting equals purring
  • Nobody wears self-con­scious­ness well
  • The you that you are at your absolute worst, is the you that I love

Daily List for: 3/19/2015

  • Actions go places while inten­tions are makes plans
  • Lis­ten­ing is a lost art
  • Favors don’t require reci­procity
  • The key to a hap­py future is learn­ing to let the past go
  • Plans fail, pro­fes­sion­als plan for that
  • Don’t poke the bear hold­ing the pointy stick
  • Sur­round your­self with pos­i­tiv­i­ty you love
  • Dri­ve safe, sleep well, don’t hes­i­tate to hug
  • Flex­i­bil­i­ty is the key to enjoy­ment

Daily List for: 3/18/2013

  • Infu­ri­ates me that we live in a world where our crim­i­nals are
    pro­vid­ed meals, health­care and shel­ter and our law-aid­ing
    cit­i­zens strug­gle with acquir­ing all three
  • Gatorade tastes like hell, until you need it
  • The key to accom­plish­ment is rep­e­ti­tion
  • Rye toast and con­cord grape jel­ly, that’s my jam
  • Trust is the key to mutu­al sat­is­fac­tion
  • Salt­ed Caramel is the new à la mode

Daily List for: 3/17/2015

  • There’s noth­ing sad­der than real­iz­ing you can remem­ber details about a loved one who’s passed
  • Habits are habit form­ing
  • Take a minute, pet the cat
  • Try snack­ing from the pro­duce depart­ment, avoid the cen­ter of the store entire­ly
  • I failed Brain chem­istry, there was no reme­di­al class
  • Trav­el­ing ducks deprive me of sleep
  • Ver­bal sword­play is my olympic sport

Daily List for: 3/14/2015

  • Shop­ping is my drug of choice, malls are my church
  • Some­times I’m mason some­times I’m dixon, I cross a lot of lines
  • If the only ques­tion you have is ‘What’s wrong?’ don’t ask it
  • Bro­ken is the new decon­struct­ed
  • My lust is cur­rent­ly on a sab­bat­i­cal
  • I’ve spilled my beer and cried about it
  • It’s pos­si­ble to be mis­er­able while amidst a sea of hap­py
  • I don’t ride the brake, I let grav­i­ty make my jel­ly roll
  • I real­ly want a triple Amer­i­cano with half whole milk and half half and half, but most­ly because I like order­ing half half and half
  • I’m not a cow­boy
  • Hand­fuls of headaches, pock­ets full of posies…

Daily List for: 1/31/2015

  • Some­times a Bloody Mary bar can become a tall glass of vod­ka and a small sal­ad
  • We love you for all those imper­fec­tions and quirks that you hate about your­self
  • Excus­es are the zigzag piece in the Tetris game of life — Take a minute for your­self — Some­times it’s not about any­thing but mak­ing some­one else hap­py — Pre­serves on sausages, it’s a thing — Cen­tral Park is the key, I have no idea to what — Your smile is the secret to my hap­pi­ness

Daily List for: 5/13/2015

  • My new super­mar­ket is a lot of fun, it’s like Wal­mart is host­ing NYC fash­ion week
  • Humor is every­where if you slow down and lis­ten
  • My cat Leey­lah gets annoyed if you half­heart­ed­ly pet her, extrap­o­late that to every­thing you do for the rest of your life
  • IMHO Mac and cheese is the per­fect, too tired to cook meal, you can treat the orange dust like a cheesy dip­pin­stick
  • I’m addict­ed to iced tea, you nev­er see meet­ings for that, I guess they’d be held in the restroom
  • I under­stand that you’re gluten-free, what I don’t under­stand is why you can’t fin­ish a sen­tence with­out men­tion­ing it
  • You should just avoid food that you’ve glam­or­ized in your mem­o­ries, the real­i­ty nev­er lives up to the mem­o­ry, for me that list includes; corned beef, sweet & sour beef and hot and sour soup
  • Nev­er skimp on things you enjoy

Daily List for: 3/13/2015

  • I’m an inside out-tro­vert
  • Com­pan­ion­ship isn’t a com­mod­i­ty to be nego­ti­at­ed
  • Some wings just don’t fly
  • Until you’re the luck­i­est guy in the room, you just nev­er appre­ci­ate it
  • I guess he liked it
  • On the worst of days, hap­pi­ness can be deliv­ered on a sheet pan
  • Awk­ward silences, hand games and fin­ger foods are a recipe for laugh­ter
  • Some­times the last swal­low of beer isn’t your, but you drink it any­how
  • I mix drinks, and metaphors
  • Friends fear not cooties (I’ve had the shot)

Daily List for: 1/30/2015

  • Luck is a smile on the East­er bun­ny
  • If you don’t have goals, you’ll nev­er achieve them
  • Some­times hap­pi­ness comes in pairs
  • With pain comes clar­i­ty
  • Real cream makes it all bet­ter
  • I hold my breath every time I see you, attempt­ing to make that moment last for­ev­er
  • Exhaus­tion is the new well rest­ed
  • I’m danc­ing on the inside
  • Your sweat is my sat­is­fac­tion

Daily List for: 3/12/2015

  • It’s not the wand, it’s the wiz­ard
  • Peo­ple are like onions, lay­ered and some­times fried
  • I com­mit quick, fight furi­ous­ly, and nev­er sur­ren­der
  • Per­ma­nent­ly and for­ev­er UYI (under your influ­ence)
  • My brain is stuck on Spin Cycle
  • Eye con­tact and silence are the new fore­play
  • Your body is my direc­to­ry assis­tance

Daily List for: 1/29/2015

  • Pirates like a lit­tle booty to hold at night
  • Your laugh­ter is the flu­id in the lighter that sets my heart on fire
  • Fake it till there’s bak­ing
  • When­ev­er I hear about incar­cer­at­ed peo­ple on a bread and water diet, I almost alway think, mmmm bread
  • I’m not reli­gious, but based on his pho­tos, Jesus prob­a­bly spent a lot of time in the gym
  • Am I the only one who feels oppressed when peo­ple tell me to have a ‘good morn­ing’
  • Small bags are the new big bags
  • I try not to think of were leather comes from, I have this fan­ta­sized scene of a cow step­ping into a Victoria’s Secret chang­ing room and then hand­ing out their hide, that non-real­i­ty seems almost adorable
  • You have to excuse me, I’m so lost in your eyes that I have no hope of ever being found

Daily List for: 3/11/2015

  • Engage mouth only after suit­able use of ears
  • Nod­ding while on the phone is point­less, but say­ing ‘I’m nod­ding is equal­ly point­less’
  • Sleep is where dreams come true
  • Finicky cats secret­ly speak in Mor­ris code
  • I know that you can accom­plish any­thing you set your mind on, it’s fun to watch
  • Body con­fi­dence is the new haute
  • Between hap­pi­ness and mis­er­able lies scotch
  • I’d give any­thing to be able to know what my cats are think­ing just for a day, it would clear up a mil­lion mys­ter­ies
  • Some nights I want to use the spare pil­low to smoth­er myself, luck­i­ly the cats claim all the spare pil­lows before I can do that
  • Hugs not bugs