I bought the iPad Pro and the Apple Pencil with the intention of doing all the artwork for the coloring book on it, that was my intention at least
Ultimately I ended up using a piece of Japanese manga software that has spectacular stroke stabilization so I could use a stylus but get smooth vector lines. Nothing on the ipad came close at the time. I bought it — used it for a few days and then because I had to get the coloring book done, put it in a box for 5 months — on October 1st — I took it out and have used it almost daily since -
I know people who use it in place of a laptop, but it really depends on what you do on a daily basis — If you do tons of file management then it’s not great at that - but if you sketch and deal with calendars, emails etc. it’s excellent.
Few things that I now know about the iPad Pro that are not crystal clear when I bought it
- The Charger and cable they ship with aren’t USB-C — and it take a million years to charge on the provided charger and cable, the one you actually want are sold separately by Apple here, the cable is here — they add another 100 bucks to the price, but you really can’t do without them
- The Apple Pencil charges from the firewire port on the iPad pro, meaning you can’t charge both at the same time — it charges reasonably fast but while you have the rigid pencil sticking out of the ipad pro it’s SUPER EASY to bump it and potentially break one or either — this gizmo — makes charging the pencil easier and safer
- The Apple Pencil is slippery, i bought this, it helped a ton
I really only use three drawing apps on my iPad none are particularly expensive
- Procreate: my main tool, it’s lovely to work in, took about 8 hours to get fully acclimated, doe hi-rez art — all pixel based
- Sketches Plus: nice tools — but doesn’t do anything bigger than screenrez — pretty nice for some quick ideas though
- Concepts: — Odd but powerful vector based drawing and drafting, can do anything but they kind of nickel and dime you to unlock everything plus the learning curve is substantially steep
Lastly Adobe has a bunch of tools, but you need to be a current Creative Cloud Subscriber to really benefit from any of them — I’m no longer using their current software so I don’t use those tools — I’m sure they’re decent.
You’ll probably want a way to carry your ipad around — I bought the apple smart cover with keyboard because when I bought my iPad it was the best choice at the time — now there’s a ton of choices, assuming you don’t want a keyboard I would probably consider a padded pouch — The keyboard is fine — I just tend to answer emails from my phone with my thumbs
If you have a use for it the iPad Pro- it’s a great tool, I love mine.
I want to start this entry by apologizing, in advance, if you’re of strong religious background, maybe some nice porn will offend you less, thanks for coming though
Halloween approaches, a time for powerpuff girls, and snickers bars, at least I thought so, seems a church not 3 minutes from my house has other plans, see the only thing THEY know about halloween is that it’s a pagan holiday, and therefore assuming christ wouldn’t have approved, flashback to the first Halloween: Christ knocking on doors, pillowcase in hand looking for jugs of water to bring to the kegger down by the sphinx
Now I don’t dislike this church solely for there stand against individually sized milky way bars, no I have two other reasons to dislike them; reason one; they have a Starbucks IN THE CHURCH, I’m absolutely not exaggerating this at all reason two; The bathrooms in the beforementioned Starbucks are open to customers only, no you don’t have to be a parishioner, but you do have to at least buy a cookie, if you have to use the bathroom. so much for christian charity.
So I’ve been a Starbuck customer a few times, hey sometimes you have to go, the few time I’ve been there, I’ve made it a point to ‘test’ the boundries a bit. It seems comments like “jesus, that coffee’s hot” and “god damn that cake is delicious” are perfectly fine within ‘gods’ beanery, but try to walk with your coffee, or soy lattee chia in my case, into the chapel, well, let’s just say the monsignor has no sense of humor.
me: hey there father, how’s god today?
the collar: ummm yeah, you can’t bring that beverage into the church.
me: but I bought it here, did I miss a sign?
the collar: son, this is house of worship, a place of faith, we ask that all beverages stay in the coffee shop
me: father, when you say ‘WE’ does that include god?
the collar: I guess in a manner of speaking it does
me: so GOD is asking me to drink my coffee in the Starbucks?, silence… at this point I was glad I was wearing sneakers, because I fully expected a lightning bolt to roast my beans on the spot
the collar: I don’t really appreciate your attitude or your tone, jesus christ I’ve pissed off a priest, I thought forgiveness was in the job description
me: I certainly don’t want to piss you off
the collar: is the vulgarity really necessary? this is a church after all
me: father, we’re all alone here, are you seriously telling me you’re offended by the word ‘piss’?
the collar: We’re not alone here, we’re never alone anywhere [I cut him off at this point, we’d reached a line even I wasn’t willing to cross, I’ll not fuck with the dude’s beliefs, if he want to believe that god is truly a holy spirit within the church walls, and that god is the breeze blowing through the trees, well then, who am I to say he isn’t]
I mean I only went in to use the bathroom anyhow. As I walked away he screamed after me “BLESS YOU!” … darn, I was positive that wasn’t the verb he was going to use.
So anyway, I think I, going back for Halloween, maybe dressed as the Pope, stay tuned for part 2: ‘what no candy?
So yesterday ‘T’ and myself went and had our eyes checked and purchased new glasses,
I elected to get a pair of black wireframe, and a pair of geek chic black plastic, someone should really let calvin klein know that the dot com boom is over, because 250 bucks for two hinges and some molded plastic is insane, or perhaps it’s me that’s insane for paying it.. but I have large eyes and a apple shaped head and most frames look stupid on me, the frames plus my 300+ dollar lenses, the hubble telescope has weaker lenses, put me over 900 bucks for two pairs of glasses. I can’t help but wonder what I would do if I couldn’t afford that [Not that i can, mind you, but really if I couldn’t afford even the lenses, what do people do? Does public assistance pay for optical care? and to what point?
dream sequence coming:
“Mister Rosenbaum, with your optical coverage we can only adjust your vision to 20/75 and only in one eye, So you can forget about that fancy-pants graphics career”
dream sequence concluded …
The absolute worst part of buying glasses is that of course while your trying on the frames you can’t see yourself in the mirror, at least I can’t being nearsighted
So your forced to trust your shopping companion, or you’re at the mercy of the glasses people, and if that’s the case I can only assume you’ll ALWAYS look better in the 250 dollar frames… sigh, I hate spending money, I’m just so darn good at it.
‘T’ bought a really hot pair of librarianesqe ‘cat’ glasses, she usually only wears her glasses at night after her contacts come out, but she looked so very delectable in these frames I wouldn’t mind if she wore them full-time.
So I was looking out my studio window — and two little girls from up the block are frantically chasing a tiny bunny — my immediate thought is, they put their bunny down — and now they’ll never catch it — so, being a world-class procrastinator — I hopped outside to see if I could help catch the wayward bunny — it because pretty obvious after 30 seconds of talking with the girls that
- This wasn’t their bunny.
- This was a wild bunny.
- That the bunny wasn’t really interested in the carrot they were waving about — all this bunny wanted to do was escape.
- They didn’t really have a plan for what to do with the bunny if they actually managed to catch it.
- Neither was too keen on ending up at the emergency room for rabbit bites (which I assured them hurt much worse than the shots they’d need to get)
They both agreed to let the bunny go — to never chase wild bunnies again — and they also agreed that the 185 lb. pig that lived next door didn’t run nearly as fast as the bunny — and probably didn’t bite.
As he ran away — the rabbit looked back at me and (smiled?) I reminded him — I’m not his friend, I’m the guy who feeds the TOP of the neighborhood food chain — but if he wanted to pitch a tent in my FRONT yard — I could probably find him some food and shelter.
My cat Piper
The other day I stopped in a ‘fancy-pants-bed’ place that features beds with air bladders in them so you can make the bed as soft or as hard as you like, the left and right side are adjustable independently, so you needn’t suffer through the ‘goldilocks’ syndrome just because of your bedmates preference.
I laid myself out on this bed picked up the remote control and started pushing away…25 – 35-45 — all seemed the same to me — 50 – 55-60 – 65 okay now we’re cooking, the bed seems kinda firmer, hard even, so the salesman comes over “blah, blah, blah…digital…normal people’s sleep number is usually between 15 & 35…blah, blah, blah”
I swear I did a spit-take, normal people?, I let the question hang there, “ya know, ever day folks, they’re usually between 15 & 35”, I glanced at the controller in my hand that read 72, if you were to base my normality purely on my sleep number I’m a little over twice as not normal as those other folks…
As much as I love numbers, I think using numbers in this instance is rather unimaginative — why not use metaphoric symbols?
Hi my Name is Bill.. I’m a construction worker by day and a professional donkey wrestler at night..and everynight I sleep on a mattress as soft as a lambs behind.
I think that’s an improvement..don’t you?, and why 1 through 100, it only felt like there might have been 5 different perceivable settings; painfully soft, too soft, uncomfortable, not hard enough and too hard, but then again, I’m not normal.
For the past few weeks Trudiann and I have been celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary, we’ve been a number of places — San Francisco, Monterey, Carmel, Death Valley, and we’re wrapping up in Las Vegas — we love Vegas — it’s been our go-to spot for the last 10 years or so — we loosely planned a few events, bought some show tickets, and made some reservations at some notable eateries.
Yesterday we had lunch at Bobby Flay’s Mesa Grill, we’d been there for dinner in the past — and we always enjoy it — the menu is a festival of powerful and potent southwest flavor combinations — Mesa’s pricing is affordable and the service is attentive but not pushy — for us it’s a no-brainer.
As our post Elvis wedding dinner we went to Craft Steakhouse. Honestly, words almost escape me as to the quality of this meal, the Craft menu is an Ala-carte menu featuring the finest beefs (Japanese Waygu Beef, Australian & American Kobe Beef), seasonal vegetables, and exotic mushrooms — I should note I’m not a fan of ala-carte menu’s because I like the chef to pair my entree’s with vegetables to their palettes — I discover new tastes in the process — lucky for me Trudiann suggested we order the chef’s ‘Surf & Turf’ tasting menu and get a taste of all that Craft had to offer. What a great suggestion; the chef started us off with
- Kobe Beef Tartare
- Romaine Hearts “Caesar” (with pickled anchovies)
- Hawaiian Prawns
I should qualify this by saying up until VERY recently Trudiann hasn’t been what I would call an adventurous eater, tartare and caesar salad both fall well outside of her comfort zone.
All three starters where amazing — the tartare (with quail egg) was perfectly balanced, the texture was smooth and the portion was more than enough to thoroughly enjoy this rare treat (excellent pun if I must say) — the caesar was really nice, the perfectly minimal dressing clung to the leaves which were crisp and tasty — the pickled anchovy garnish was a nice twist on the little fish and made the whole dish a bit special. the prawns — tasty glazed grilled goodness, Trudiann loves prawns and we thoroughly enjoyed these.
Next the chef sent out the entrees & sides–
- NY Strip Steak
- Kobe Skirt Steak
- Lobster in butter and Tarragon
- Asparagus with Rosemary
- Whipped Potato’s with Chives
- A selection of 5 japanese mushrooms including, Hen of the Woods and Shiitake
Now if that sounds like a lot of food„ you’d be right, Craft isn’t the kind of place that skimps on food — at this point we still had a rather sizable bowl of Kobe Beef Tartare on the table — because I just wasn’t ready to give it up yet. The Entrees in a word SPECTACULAR, each with a simple preparation, let the high quality of the ingredients shine — the Skirt Steak was our favorite, it was juicy, flavorful and perfectly medium rare- I wouldn’t be exaggerating when I say the best piece of steak I’ve ever eaten. The Strip was also delicious, but our fondness for the other cut was obvious — as we finished that one first. The lobster was interesting, as it’s a dish we never have, and we where both amazed at the varied texture of the claw meat, and the buttery goodness of the lobster tail. The whipped potato’s where amazing — I hope to never find out exactly how much cream and butter were in there, needless to say they were a rich and tasty companion to the steak and lobster.
Of course what’s dinner without dessert? The pastry chef sent out an assortment of tasty things
- Brioche bread pudding
- MonkeyBread w/ Caramel ice cream (and ‘happy 20th anniversary written in caramel on the plate’)
- Raspberry Sorbet
- Mint Ice Cream
- Fresh Fruit
- Petit Fours
I’m hard pressed to say what was best — but I will say that the mint ice cream was the best Ice cream I’ve ever had in my entire life — Trudiann also really like the mint ice cream and the MonkeyBread, I also finished the bread pudding, because I’m a sucker for bread pudding — it was as good as you would expect.
Overall we enjoyed everything — we must have, we finished most everything.
Service was top-notch, attentive, friendly and informative, the decor was understated and classy — pricing, well, good food costs money — and the food at Craft Steakhouse is excellent — I will happily return to Craft Steakhouse on my next Vegas jaunt.
So yesterday was my birthday, woo-hoo, my darling wife whisked me off to spend a night in a fancy-pants hotel, spend a day looking at ancient art/artifacts (I’m totally an art geek), and exotic tree-frogs (we’re BOTH wildlife geeks), it was a pretty great day even though the weather was pretty nasty. I even learned a little something
If you see a tasty little frog (lets say he’s green) and you want to pick him up and lick him, DON’T — because he’s probably not as tasty as he looks.
The whole day was low-key and leisurely, exactly how I like to spend my non-working days — we concluded our day out with a delicious seafood dinner (her: Pistachio encrusted shrimp, me: Seared Ahi Tuna with dark soy and wasabi) and a VERY rare indulgence for me, dessert (her: Twice-baked apple pie ala-mode, me: Caramel drizzled bread pudding) might have been the best dessert of my entire life, seriously.
So T wanted shrimp for dinner, a simple request — normally I’d go to the one decent seafood place in Bensalem but pressed for time I went to Acme — never my first choice, service is challenging on the best of days there. So there I am standing at the fish counter — behind me I can hear a gaggle of deli-ladies partying like it’s 1999, but over their noise I couldn’t attract any attention — suddenly the fish waiters numbers grew (we were 2, then shortly thereafter we formed a quartet of pissed off Pescetarians) Eventually I did the only thing I could think to do, I went looking for a manager.
10 minutes later I’m explaining to the manager the issue and invited him to come stand with us at the fish counter, so he could ‘fully soak in the full Acme experience’ — about 4 minutes after that I had my order of shrimp — The manager made it very clear — he had no explanation for the bad service — nor did he make any excuses, — I totally respect that.
If the experience had ended there I would have been satisfied, chalking the experience up as a standard trip to the Acme — but after I paid and was headed towards the door — the same manager stopped me, invited me over to the customer service desk — and proceeded to ring me up a Acme gift-card for the inconvenience — telling me that he’s sorry for my negative experience and he hopes the gift-card would encourage me to give Acme another chance. A pretty classy move.
My phone has been ringing off the hook today, it’s mostly project related, but as I was drinking my loc-cal, low-carb, high-fiber, low-fat, high-fructose, medium-sodium partially homogenized somewhat carbonized coffee beverage, the phone rang, my caller-id let me know the call was from those oh-so helpful people at ‘WindowWizards’, usually I would ignore such a blatant sales call, but I happen to be in the market for replacement windows, so I picked the call up.
CALLER: “hello, sir, my name is, because I made him cry, let’s just call him OMIT, from WindowWizards, I’m authorized to offer you our top quality double sash replacement windows at slightly above factory cost. That’s 50% off our normal price”
S: Really!! only slightly above, who do I have to talk too, to get them actually AT factory prices?
S: no I’m serious, whom do I have to talk to, to get them AT factory prices, maybe the person who authorize you?
O: Who sir?
S: Let’s review shall we, you’re OMIT and you’ve been authorized… you said that didn’t you.
O: Well, yes I suppose I did.
S: There MUST be someone there who has the power to drop the price TO factory prices. Let me talk to them, I’ll wait.
O: Sir, There isn’t any such person.
S: But you presented yourself as ‘Authorized’ was that a lie OMIT?
S: OMIT it’s really simple either you’re ‘Authorized’ or you’re not.. are you.
O: it says I am sir.
S: But your not aware of whom ‘Authorized’ you? Perhaps it happened spontaneously?
O: Sir I don’t think anyone ‘Authorized’ me, I just am, it’s part of the job.
S: Hmm.. so can you lower the price TO factory prices?
O: No sir but I am Authorized to offer…
S: I think we’ve adequately determined that your not Authorized, but the script obviously is, click.
So there you have it, OMIT hung up on me, and I really wanted to hear about the windows, but I couldn’t get past the fact that OMIT was spontaneously authorized, maybe it comes from working for a wizard?
Most people who know me now, didn’t know me ten years ago, but believe me when I tell you I was one of the evilest motherfuckers that ever lived ‘T’ will back me up on this, I would pick a fight just to hear you scream, and then laugh in your face. But those days are long gone, I’ve embraced the zen of life and now very little bothers me, except having to rewire home theater systems. Occasionally I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and a bit of the old saul peeks through, I usually lock myself in my studio on those days, like today, and I play music very very loud. Today, being one of those days, prompted a call from a neighbor, transcript follows
N: Saul are you deaf?
S: Huh?…Why?.. Who is this?
H: It’s, name omitted to protect the victim, I can hear that music from my bedroom.
S: So?… I’m taking requests…
N: My Fillings are loosening, my pictures are falling off the wall… my dog is Sterile..for the love of God turn that down.
S: Did you say turn it up? cause it\‘s only at half volume right now.
N: Please don’t turn it up.. I have milk in the fridge that will sour.
S: You think?… I bet I can make it rain if I turn it all the way up.
N: Your not going to turn it down are you? S: Not even if god himself appeared in front of me in the form of Lucy Lui and begged me to turn it down so we could make love in peace.
N: Huh?..are you high? , I don’t condone recreational drug use, but I do love this question, well if you’re not going to turn it down, do you have anything by Dylan?
S: What do you have against the theme from Sesame Street…Sunny Day Sweeping’ the clouds away, evil laugh…fade out.
Like Tea? Turns out I do, although I never realized exactly how much, my dear friend Kim — hooked me up with a very ingenious teapot set from Adagio Teas. It came with 4 sample teas — I’m crazy for the black teas, so I’ve been mainly drinking that one, ‘T’ is a fan of the white teas (on some things we’re as different and black and white).
Is there such a thing as spicy tea? I may explore the ‘African Rooibos’ teas next.
I’m a buffalo wing lover — I spent a substantial amount of time seeking out the tastiest buffalo wings in my little hamlet of Philadelphia — generally the wings I found sucked, but I also found some awesome wings, and like a good wingman — I’m going to hook you up.
IMHO buffalo wings need four things to be considered great:
- Meat: I hate scrawny wings, a decent chicken wing needs more than a bite of meat on it, and the first bite shouldn’t hit bone, we’re looking for healthy substantial specimens
- Thick hearty sauce: I’m a sauce snob, it should be thick enough that it sticks to the wings, tangy enough to make your lips tingle, but not ‘big heat’, I’m generally not after ‘big heat’ with my wings
- Meat / Sauce Ratio: This may seem odd to some, but I hate when the wings are swimming in sauce, I want just enough sauce to coat the wings, and not coat my hands, maybe if the sauce is really good a small container for additional dippage
- Quantity: It’s hard to eat one wing, it’s even harder to eat just five, I’m generally irritated when an order of wings is less than a dozen
Exceptional wings have one more thing:
- Accoutrements: 9 out of 10 buffalo wings orders comes garnished with celery and blue cheese dressing, which is totally fine — but I really appreciate when my wings are garnished with a bit of creativity.
The Best Buffalo Wings in Philadelphia:
- Eulogy Belgian Tavern: Great wings, a bit hotter than I generally prefer wings, but awesome overall. »
- Moriarty’s Restaurant & Irish Pub: A definite contenders — right amount of heat, thick substantial sauce that perfectly coats good quality wings. »
- The Rib Ranch: Not the best wings, but the sauce is tremendous, they get on this list for the sauce alone. »
- National Mechanics: High-quality wings and even higher quality sauce, what\‘s not to love — I licked my fingers all the way home, this unassuming bar on 3rd street is a hidden gem in a jungle of high-end restaurants that is Olde City . »
- Bugaboo Creek Steak House: Yes it’s a national chain, and the sauce is just good (not great) — but the wings themselves are huge, and well prepared — in a pinch, these hit the spot.
- The Epicurean: technically the Epicureans wings are Jamaican Jerk Wings, but they’re big, meaty specimens of jerky deliciousness. »
- Taranova’s Pizzeria: The owners of this Bensalem based pizza shop are all lovers of heat, their menu has a host of excellent selections above and beyond the usual pizzeria fare — their wing sauce is thick, tangy and deliciously memorable
I’m not done yet
Oh I forgot to mention, I won’t be featuring any place with the word ‘Wing’ in their name, I figure they get enough press in the Yellow Pages.
So that’s the first part of my list, I’m sure I missed YOUR favorite place, but don’t stress, I’m not done yet… but tell me, where is your favorite Wing joint?
So the local police here in suburbia have no sense of humor, zero, zilch, nada. It’s about 3 a.m. and I find myself at Wawa, desperately in need of caffeine, I sweep in, hit the ATM, grab 2 one liter Diet Cokes and 2 SFRBs and a Pantone 388 apple, that’s bright green, if your swatch book isn’t handy. Just as I was grabbing the apple, ‘I feel good’ by James Brown started playing over the Wawa sound system, now it’s 3 a.m. 90% of the world may be tired, but I just woke up, so I couldn’t help myself, I began to dance, but not as I would dance, but as ‘JAMES’ would dance, up and down the aisles with my handful of carbonated jet fuel and my bright green apple, shuffling my feet, sliding up and down the aisles in my own little world. Which of course I wasn’t actually in, no I was in a convenience store in the wee hours of the morning, in the middle of suburbia, dancing like in my mind James Brown.
I explained to the policeman, that I was just happy, and that I would go home and dance, he looked at me like I was the personification of poor evil, some drug-crazed goatee wearing freak, so hopped up on goof-balls that I couldn’t contain my joyous feet long enough to get a beverage. “Get on home, now son!” the nice officer told me, “yes, sir!, going home sir!” in hind-sight, any attempt at humor with a law enforcement person, is a bad idea, “sorry I danced in public sir!, me and Kevin Bacon are going Home now, sir!”…why I chose to accentuate every statement with ‘SIR’ is beyond me, but I started to giggle, I mean what he going to do ‘arrest me for dancing liked James, flash ahead to my arraignment
Bailiff read the charge..
“Saul was arrested on the morning of August 5th at a Wawa, where he was being funky as he wanna be and he was also getting down with his bad self both presumably without a license.”
flash back to now
So this particular cop wasn’t a huge ‘Footloose’ fan and he cracked nary a smile, but the guy behind the counter lost it, and began laughing so hard I think he pulled a muscle, At this point the morning could have gone in two dramatically different directions, one involving bail money and a cavity search, the other involving my coke and blogging.
I must stop going to that Wawa.
Well, as I often do, I found myself at IKEA again today, but not my normal IKEA, but a brand spanking new one, 6 miles closer to my house. It was crowded, I was alone, it was raining, a recipe for disaster to be certain.
So while shopping, I noticed, this was NOT the typical ‘flesh’ show that I was used to, 20 something females in inappropriatly short tight and revealing garb, showing off tanned, toned and chiseled flesh, no this was 30, and sometimes 40 somthings showing me… Truth be told there are no words for what they where showing.
So it got me thinking, Do these women not own a mirror? or perhaps they think they look good? you would think that their tattoo artist would have told them they looked hideous, I mention their tatoo artist specifically because obviously they all have one, he specializes in blurrly and poorly designed tribal and celtic symbols, ocassionally on bellys, sometimes boobs, but usually on the fleshy back fat of 30 something women. Also I’m all for tight clothing… on Claudia Shiffer, Pam Anderson and Carmen Electra, but Ladies, if your pants are so tight that I can see the label on your underwear, give your feet a break, and let some blood flow, And for you ladies who insist on wearing stretch pants, workout garb and biking shorts, if I can tell your clit is pierced through your pants, you may want to rethink the ensemble a bit…
I have far less issues with boobs, which is good, because it seems every 17 – 25 year old now has d-cups and since it’s been 90° and muggy here in philly, Breasts are everywhere…, but even they (notice the proper use of the plural) should have some decorum when out and about. If your breasts are familar with your knees, a tank top is a questionable move, or if your wearing a white spaghetti strap tank, what possesed you to wear a neon blue bra?, are you Madonna? is this 1986? wearing a shirt like that I only see two options, if you have nice perky boobs, go braless, or wear a strapless bra, if your breasts are too substantial for a strapless bra, do us all a favor, burn the spaghetti strap tank.
Ultimately you just have to ask yourself, do I look good in this? Is my ass hanging, am I a mess?, do I look like a cheap hooker? If you have any doubt snap a picture, send it to me, I’ll be nothing but honest
I’m slowly turning into Elvis, even though I’m aware of it, the process seems to be beyond my control, the similarities are, well …similar;
Both Elvis and I are male, we both have sideburns (although diferently styled), we both have weight issues and are fond of white velvet jumpsuits and large diamond encrusted belts with our names on it.(although to be fair although mine does say ‘Elvis’, I don’t recall ever seeing Elvis wearing a ‘Saul’ belt, but who knows really, it may have been one of those things he did in the privacy of Graceland).
I know what your thinking, saul based on that pittance of similarities, you could just be turning into an Elvis impersonator, and not actually ‘The King’ himself.. But wait, there’s more, Elvis was very fond of his mamma, and although I’ve never actually met Mrs. Presley, I feel I too would be partial to her… Elvis breathed in oxygen, I also breath in oxygen (and obviously at a higher frequency than ‘current’ Elvis), we both exhale carbon dioxide.. Startling isn’t it…
The similarities are far from over, later in life Elvis consumed a steady diet of Valium, Ethinamate, Dilaudid, Demerol, Percodan, Placidyl, Dexedrine, Biphetamine, Amytal, Quaalude, Carbrital, Cocaine hydrochloride and Ritalin. I LIVE right near a CVS Pharmacy..creepy huh.
I’m not really sure when the transformation will be complete… stay tuned
I know you usually only do the December thing, and that your busy dealing with elves, reindeer and that foxy Mrs. Clause, but please, please, please can you find it in your snowy heart to deliver the following to me today;
- one large box of Spree,
- six one liter bottles of Diet Coke
- a gross of pixie sticks, just orange, grape and lemon please
- six amish butter baked pretzels
- a Funion loaf
- some Milanta, because I really shouldn’t eat that Funion loaf]
- six nuts and raisin Chunky Bars
- and six large granny smith apples
if you do that for me oh bearded one, I promise I’ll be good…I swear
Yetsreday for lunch I stopped at a local pizza joint for a couple of slices and a diet cola, I bought 3 slices, and told the guy that he need’nt heat them up, because I wasn’t going to eat them for ‘hours’, he put them on a paper plate and asked me…
“you need a bag?,” now there was no snappy retort, or abusive conversation I stop in this place fairly often and any form of abuse is just going to yeild me saliva on my edibles..so i chilled, at least verbally, I stared at him and nervously smiled, hadn’t I said I wasn’t eatting them for hours? did he honestly think I was going to walk around with loose cold pizza on a ‘less than quality paper plate’, The whole exchange up to this point was very awkward, but wait..it got better.
so I got my bag ‘o slices and my cuppacoke, and he rang me up, my total was $6.35, I tossed out a tenspot and he sweatily handed me my change, 4 bucks??? whattheduece? so being me I questioned it.
S: “You gave me the wrong change…”
Pizza: “I smoothed down”
S: So you smoothed away 25 cents off my bill?
Pizza: yeah, makes the change easier.
S: I see… okay, later[and I headed towards the door ]
S: Say, just out of curiousity how many slices do you thing ya’ll sell in a day?
Pizza: We go through about 50 — 70 slice pie’s a day on the weekdays, and probably twice that on a saturday or a sunday.
S: Wow that’s a lot of pizza’s.[and I left]
So the geek in me has to do the Math, lets assume that Pizza dude ‘Smooths’ away any change under 50 cents, lets start with a weekday.
Monday’s Slice Sales: 70 pizza pies x 8 slices = 560 slices;
Monday’s Slice Revenue: 560 slices x $1.75 = 980 bucks
[potentially at least]
To fully comprehend the impact of ‘Pizza Smoothing’ we need to make an additional assumption, the average slice buyer is buying 2 slices and a small cola for a bill of $4.35
Monday’s Slice Sales Quantity: 560 slices ÷ 2 = 280 sales
Moday’s Adjusted Slice Revenue: 280 x $4.35 = $1218.00
Still no change, so perhaps Pizza’s methodology is sound?… not hardly, we have to look at the impact on individual sales, remember based on our original concept he ‘smooths’ away all change under 50 cents.
Monday’s Smoothing Losses: 280 x $0.35 = $98.00
Weekly Losses: $98.00 x 5 + ($98.00 x 4) = $882.00
Now I’m not an economics expert, but giving away almost 900 bucks of revenue is probably an economic no-no. If you think of it in Pizza terms it’s like giving away 504 slices of pizza for free.
They could eliminate ‘Smoothing’ cut the slice prices by 60% and still increase profit, AND they’d have the bestest + cheapest pizza in town.
And to think, my high school math teacher thought I was sleeping