Daily List for: 4/18/2015

A con­ver­sa­tion with Maxx about math

Saul: Maxx don’t both­er me I’m bak­ing
Maxx: You just made a mis­take, you might want to recheck your mea­sure­ments
Saul: Maxx you’re a cat what do you do know about mea­sure­ments?
Maxx: mea­sure­ments are math kin­da right? So, cats are nat­u­ral­ly gift­ed at math, how do you not know that?
Saul: I had no idea, explain fur­ther
Maxx: You’ve heard of AP Math right?
Saul: Of course
Maxx: AP orig­i­nal­ly meant Always Purring
Saul: You’re mak­ing that up
Maxx: No, total­ly true — every cat is good at math, which caus­es smug­ness, which results in purring
Saul: I’m learn­ing so much
Maxx: Great, but you still put too much flour in that dough, and not enough sug­ar
Saul: Are you sure I dou­ble checked all my math
Maxx: which one of us is purring?
Saul: Point tak­en, do you think I should start over
Maxx: You’ll prob­a­bly be okay, worst case sce­nario is you eat those and if any­one ques­tions why you’re shov­el­ing a half dozen cin­na­mon buns in your mouth tell them you’re drunk, nobod­ies going to ques­tion that
Saul: You are a smart cat
Maxx: I can also jump from the cat tree to the pool table which is a 7 foot jump — ya know why?
Saul: Why? because cats are going jumpers?
Maxx: No because I did the math, and unlike you I did it right
Saul: Now you’re just being mean
Maxx: Remem­ber yes­ter­day when I des­per­ate­ly want­ed treats and I got no treats?
Saul: Yes
Maxx: exact­ly

Daily List for: 4/16/2015

  • Maybe because I’m a movie buff, maybe because I live N.J. adja­cent, the phras­es ‘a friend of ours’ and ‘we have mutu­al inter­ests’ always makes me won­der if I’m about to be wacked
  • There’s no such thing as ‘too much rice’
  • I iden­ti­fy with Toto
  • Restau­rants frown on patrons bring­ing their own bread
  • Being in the weeds sucks, unless you’re an arborist
  • I have a grade school sense of humor wrapped in a ivy-league vocab­u­lary
  • Accord­ing to Sting you can turn a mur­der into art, I won­der who he killed?
  • Gen­er­al­iz­ing makes every­one sound stu­pid
  • I offered a Swedish fish to Maxx, not impressed, he also thinks Swedish fish­er­man have very easy jobs, and a strong incli­na­tion towards obe­si­ty, which is dan­ger­ous, if not dead­ly, yet the Dis­cov­ery chan­nel has, as of yet, ignored them, Maxx is a thinker.
  • Some­times I say yes when I prob­a­bly should say noth­ing

Daily List for: 4/14/2015

A con­ver­sa­tion about ants with my cat Maxx:

Maxx: Hey, hate to tell you this we have ants, I know you hate them, but regard­less, got them.
Saul: NO!, I HATE ants, I haven’t seen any ants, how do you know we have them?
Maxx: I’m a cat, I’m plugged into the uni­verse at a lev­el you wouldn’t even begin to under­stand, oh and Piper texted me ‘We have ants!, tell what­shis­name’, I’m assum­ing she means you.
Saul: Damn!, Piper is almost nev­er wrong, have you con­firmed that we have ants?
Maxx: I just walked through the kitchen and didn’t hear ants, that’s all the con­fir­ma­tion I need
Saul: But you didn’t hear any­thing
Maxx: Ants are sneaky qui­et, in the hier­ar­chy of qui­et it’s; cats, ninjas,Sasquatch,ants
Saul: Wow qui­eter than Sasquatch, that is qui­et
Maxx: Yep, the sim­ple fact that I heard noth­ing is a 83% con­fir­ma­tion, we’re lousy with ants
Saul: You’re a a-list preda­tor can you do any­thing about the ants? maybe squash them?
Maxx: They’ve done noth­ing to me
Saul: I guess squash­ing them is a bit extreme, do you have any good news for me?
Maxx: Well you don’t have nin­jas… I think

Daily List for: 6/10/2015

  • I’m con­tem­plat­ing tak­ing my cat Maxx on morn­ing walks, do they make a cat har­ness in ‘port­ly’
  • I spent a week eat­ing clean(ish) going on numer­ous walks a day and in gen­er­al feel­ing great, try­ing hard to keep that going
  • I was out of ice this morn­ing so I’m using whiskey stones in my ice water, it’s nice to taste undi­lut­ed water
  • After 3 years I final­ly fig­ured out the best way to use my big Jam­box, it involved read­ing the man­u­al
  • McDon­alds is not cur­rent­ly offer­ing High­lander hap­py meals, and if they were you’d have to hur­ry because they’d only have one
  • Why is cher­ry so wild?, and is black cher­ry also wild?, is black cher­ry con­sid­ered a minor­i­ty in the cher­ry world? we know how peo­ple feel about tart cher­ry, secret­ly she’s my favorite
  • I spend half my day climb­ing up on a ledge, the oth­er half enjoy­ing the view
  • Some­days these notes are real­ly easy to write
  • Words are the new fore­play

Daily List for: 1/29/2015

  • Speci­fici­ty negates the vague that plaques our soci­ety
  • Don’t con­fuse my lack of car­ing now for ever car­ing, that’s a com­mon Saul mis­take
  • It turns out that… wait what was I say­ing?
  • Shiny things are inher­ent­ly shiny
  • Often, once is not enough, and nev­er is almost nev­er, nev­er
  • Burns take from 3 months to 3 decades to heal
  • Some bar­tenders can intox­i­cat­ed with­out ever pour­ing a drink
  • Faces out of con­text con­fuse me
  • The red pill makes me smarter, but the blue pill makes me fall
  • What if our entire per­son­al­i­ty was based entire­ly on our chem­i­cal flaws
  • What I thought was a green pill was a peanut M&M, so #win
  • Some nick­names may be accu­rate, but that doesn’t mean they’re fun­ny, some oth­ers aren’t accu­rate, yet hilar­i­ous
  • You’ve prob­a­bly nev­er utter the phrase “Sala­mi Bag” but when you do, you’ll prob­a­bly laugh… we did
  • I play games with words to keep myself uncaged
  • Some­times our paths are lined with stuff you’d rather not tread on
  • We’ve decid­ed that the point bit on the wing is called ‘The han­dle’, prob­a­bly not for the chick­en though
  • I searched high and low for more of those M&Ms, I guess it was a gift from Maxx
  • Shop­ping is a team sport, it requires plan­ning and semi-reg­u­lar time­outs
  • Cow­ards hide behind mon­ey and laws assum­ing they’re safe from the hav­oc they pro­pose, hope­ful­ly some­day that will change sub­stan­tial­ly
  • Greed is the new Glut­tony

Daily List for: 1/15/2015

  • Kar­ma has a host of sharp edges, there will be blood
  • Wings are a food group unto them­selves
  • TV novel­la writ­ing is the low­est form of writ­ing right below for­tune cook­ie for­tunes and pen­ny shop­per horo­scopes
  • Give me a cor­ner, a legal pad and a Uni­ball pen and I’m gen­er­al­ly hap­py
  • I’m 75% crazy, 95% impul­sive, 105% over-caf­fi­nat­ed, 200% seri­ous
  • I promised Maxx that he’d get to ride a horse, some­times when I’m relaxed I say stu­pid things
  • Plans are made to be un-bro­ken
  • Unless you under­stand me you nev­er will
  • Man­ic is full throt­tle for­ward into a brick wall
  • Garfield is right, Mon­days suck
  • Why don’t they sell fla­vored envelopes and stamps?
  • Hack­neyed is the new old