A conversation about ants with my cat Maxx:
Maxx: Hey, hate to tell you this we have ants, I know you hate them, but regardless, got them.
Saul: NO!, I HATE ants, I haven’t seen any ants, how do you know we have them?
Maxx: I’m a cat, I’m plugged into the universe at a level you wouldn’t even begin to understand, oh and Piper texted me ‘We have ants!, tell whatshisname’, I’m assuming she means you.
Saul: Damn!, Piper is almost never wrong, have you confirmed that we have ants?
Maxx: I just walked through the kitchen and didn’t hear ants, that’s all the confirmation I need
Saul: But you didn’t hear anything
Maxx: Ants are sneaky quiet, in the hierarchy of quiet it’s; cats, ninjas,Sasquatch,ants
Saul: Wow quieter than Sasquatch, that is quiet
Maxx: Yep, the simple fact that I heard nothing is a 83% confirmation, we’re lousy with ants
Saul: You’re a a-list predator can you do anything about the ants? maybe squash them?
Maxx: They’ve done nothing to me
Saul: I guess squashing them is a bit extreme, do you have any good news for me?
Maxx: Well you don’t have ninjas… I think
A conversation with Maxx about math
Saul: Maxx don’t bother me I’m baking
Maxx: You just made a mistake, you might want to recheck your measurements
Saul: Maxx you’re a cat what do you do know about measurements?
Maxx: measurements are math kinda right? So, cats are naturally gifted at math, how do you not know that?
Saul: I had no idea, explain further
Maxx: You’ve heard of AP Math right?
Saul: Of course
Maxx: AP originally meant Always Purring
Saul: You’re making that up
Maxx: No, totally true — every cat is good at math, which causes smugness, which results in purring
Saul: I’m learning so much
Maxx: Great, but you still put too much flour in that dough, and not enough sugar
Saul: Are you sure I double checked all my math
Maxx: which one of us is purring?
Saul: Point taken, do you think I should start over
Maxx: You’ll probably be okay, worst case scenario is you eat those and if anyone questions why you’re shoveling a half dozen cinnamon buns in your mouth tell them you’re drunk, nobodies going to question that
Saul: You are a smart cat
Maxx: I can also jump from the cat tree to the pool table which is a 7 foot jump — ya know why?
Saul: Why? because cats are going jumpers?
Maxx: No because I did the math, and unlike you I did it right
Saul: Now you’re just being mean
Maxx: Remember yesterday when I desperately wanted treats and I got no treats?